Not again!

ok.. so I was going to do a post tonight until I looked at the clock........

.. and so I do nothing.

I have been having a conversation lately with a good friend here in the city and then again today I  shared it in a conversation with my best friend.. that I am compiling a list of the things that I am realizing that I fear or feel inadequate about myself about, and I call it my  ... and so I do nothing list.  

This practice has been amazing and painful all at the same time. 

One of my things is that I compare myself to people...decide that they act or do whatever it is better than me ... and you guessed it... I do nothing!  

My friend was amazing as usual and challenged me with something that her pastor had said recently about how when we compare ourselves with others and make judgements like that we are basically telling God that what is created is worthless.  Ouch!   

This thought stuck with me through most of the day and I happened upon this quote by Nelson Mandela... which says something similar... and I think this is my new quote on my wall...

" Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God.  Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won' t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.  We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.  It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."- Nelson Mandela

Updates

I am trying to figure out where my lack of motivation is coming from when it comes to my blog...  to be honest I am just trying to find me in NYC most of the time right now.   Anyway... I am sure there will be more of this at some later date, but it's been over a month again and I have walked and given no photos or updates to anyone...no other word but SAD!  So.. the AIDS walk!  I did walk  On May 18 and it was Amazing!  It was so great to be a part of something so  massive.  Also thank you to my friends for helping me reach my $200 goal... it was just an experience I am not sure there are words for.  

I walked with my friend Mitch and it was a fantastic time.. we talked about everything... including our lives as actors, the beauty of Central Park, how hungry and thirsty we were... it seemed that unless you were a super walker water was out of the question or the super people in front of us were really thirsty... though at about mile 5 we did get some water.  But I think the thing I took most from this experience was the lack of ministry representation.  Coming from the Jesus Land background that I do I guess I half expected there to be people out with their anti-gay foolishness, but as we began to walk... I saw a handful of people with t-shirts with the name of a church I wish I could remember, which got me thinking that I think that Christians have it wrong.  Yes... it was Sunday morning.. but here is a PRIME time and place to just walk alongside people and let them know that you love and care for them as Christ did and all I saw was a handful of people.  Now that is not to say there were not more than that there who were just people like me.... but I think churches have amazing opportunities that they never even see to just be Jesus to someone without really saying a word.