9 months.....

Where have I been? Not pregnant unless it is with a dream that I wish I could give birth to already...I figured it makes no sense to blog when only a handful of people even know it exists right? But I am ready to change that I think... I know big news! I'm posting the blog address back on FB. Time to stop hiding. Tonight I had a couple short seemingly insignificant conversations, but for whatever reason it jolted me to life, so here I go again! Wish me luck.

Here's a chapter...

So if you know me well you've heard my story and inevitably you've told me I should write a book. Tonight while working on a volunteer project that had taken up more hours than anything volunteer should, I heard myself...

...it was as though I was standing on a stage telling my audience that with enough hard work those dreams that make your heart want to break every time you think about them will come true. Just keep going!

What followed was a single tear taking it's sweet time getting down my cheek. As I sat there staring at the computer screen filled with other people's art, their passions... I felt like I was bleeding.

see... I'm an actor, an artist.

But??

I know. You see: sweaty, filthy from head to toe, building something, striking something, on a headset, peering through the viewfinder, editing, or organizing details that make all that possible. That's "Techie" me

Sure... I'm good at what I do and I take pride in that, but tonight I felt the life draining.

I loathe that word.

To me it is just reminder that I am on the wrong side.

I've been a performer for as long as I can remember. Flashback! 6 yr old Priscilla in a foster home belting into a hairbrush, (side note... imagine the scary hair that I had if there was a hairbrush near my head) dancing my heart out to Tina Turner "What's Love Got to Do With It".

Life took some interesting twists and turns and I assumed the role I needed to play growing up for better or for worse, (free therapy anyone?) but the silly 6 year old who was living out who she was created to be... in the middle of one of the most traumatic seasons of her life, is still me and I know that the day is coming sooner than later when my days of building and running the game are through and I can just play!

As the Clock Ticks Down...

and 2009 comes to a close, most of my day was spent trying to reflect and plan with very little success. I'm sure it's the same for most, but it seems to have been so short in some respects and in others as though eons have passed.

I went hiking today in Runyon Canyon Park. Breathtaking views of the city... my city... my home.

Home...

I never would have known that this year I would finally find the place my heart is home. Just saying it brings tears to my eyes. I know I know... always the emotional one! Those of you who know me and have been with me along the way can attest to this seemingly being the longest journey ever... but today standing on that hill/mountain, looking at the mountains, the ocean and the vast city in front of me all is as it should be.

I looked back at may journal entries from my dreaming session last year and without me even knowing I was accomplishing things they happened... Finding my home ( It was in those exact words on the page.. I had no idea), moving to LA ( that one has been a focus of course), met Kathy Griffin (even the little things!), paying down debt even happened a little. Of course there are a million things on that list, some are in process and some, I've found I've either outgrown or my priorities have changed... no worries.. it's all part of the journey.

I look forward to what 2010 has in store for me... last week I heard that the last decade was deemed the Decade from Hell by Time Magazine. I think back and can't agree... There were definite moments of pure hell, yes that I can agree with but to deem the entire decade Hell... that's pretty harsh. And in reflection those moments of hell gave me the choice to be destroyed or fight through to learn anything no matter how small. I am a fighter I always have been and pray that I always will be.

10 years ago we were sitting around, playing games wondering if when the hands met at 12 our world would come to a halt... the second hand ticked by the remaining seconds of a millennium and 12:00:01 we were handed another second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year, decade to live the life we were born to live. I have done and plan to do nothing less. Along the way I have met the most amazing people, many who continue to journey with me in some capacity and I look forward to the adventures ahead! Happy New Year!

T minus 30

Excitement... Faith... Hope... occasional cycles of Fear. This morning excitement and fear are checking in moment to moment. I leave NYC a month from today and from there, all I have is uncertainty.

I know I am leaving NY, I know I am driving to LA that same week, and I know this is the right step at the right time but I still have no solid plans once I start my car west from Wisconsin. OK that is a lie. I might meet a friend in Denver, I have tickets to a show on Nov 7, I have Thanksgiving weekend plans, and I am running a Marathon in February, so I guess I do have solid plans but that is not a place to lay my head or an income source. But now more than ever before, in the history of my grand moves, I am at peace...

What is that?

I almost don't know how to handle this because I am used to having a certain level of panic at the instability. I thrive on change yes, and even with all the crazy times of change in my life I always have needed a definite "plan", though looking back I guess I never really had one. So.. today I will do the work before me and live in today... or try at least.

P

Blackberry Bloggin

So today my Mac went to the Dr. I knew this would happen but I am now face to face with the ugliness that is technowithdrawl. Yes I still have my phone... No internet here though....
But there is so much to get done before the move that this could be a great time to get my shit in order... As well as spend some much needed quiet time that i allow my comp to invade all too often.
The challenge is before me I accept and will arrive at the other side of this experience a bit more self reliant and less zoned out...

Nice to meet u

I was moving my sister into her new apartment and found this hat... I love it!  

P.S.  Hello from my cell phone! I send this via my cell so this should be fun... I may still like twitter better though

Bein, 

Cilly

My NY: Tren Subterraneo huh?

It's a Metro card!  This is my NYC "car key"... then yesterday I was looking at my roommate's card and on the back... 

 Translation please????  I love the spanish language but if I have an emergency underground how will i know what to do?  Well the question should be would I look at my subway card first?

And thats My NY!

-P

Packin it up.. again!

I have started the process yet again of packing up my room for what I hope is a move that will result in my putting down roots for the first time in my adult life.  I usually move in a moment's notice so having months to plan has been fantastic, and yet I have no idea what to do with it...  I absolutely enjoy the process of simplifying and de-cluttering does that make me nuts? Hmm...  I was looking out my window this morning and thinking about my time in NYC and the parts I will miss... but how ready I am to move on :)  And I journey on!  Love the adventure that life is.

-P